How to Spot a DRUMMERThe Drummer....Tappus-Maximum, Jerkus-WithStikkus, Bangus-Alottian, these are the natural preditors of the Guardo. Drummers travel in packs, bringing with them round things that they hit with sticks and a strange language they call...Drummese. What are their purpose....they have none. Why do they do what they do?? They don't know...All that is really known about this mysterious species is that they have one track minds and get distracted easily by shiny or loud things. If you should come across one...beware...they have learned to charm and attract unsuspecting guardos and cymbal players...while there are several decent drummers out there most of them are totally updateable and should be trusted only as far as one can throw them!
1)The signature hair-cut. Slicked to the head with side burns and or a sharp crest at the front of the head
2)DrumSticks, the cardinal sign that one is dealing with a drummer. Only the most idiotic or cliche of drummers dares to go public with a pair in their back pocket
3)The nice ass. Drummers have evolved superior posterior from marching long hours with military heel techniques and from supporting a harness with the lower back muscles. The purpose of this feature is to lure in unsuspecting guardos and distract them long enough to capture the helpless prey
4)Baggy pants or jeans. The looseness enables a drummer to "adjust" at anytime which is a common hobby of drummers
5)Perminant bedroom eyes. Beware the drummer...do not look directly into his eyes or you may be hypnotized by their animal charm! LOOK AWAY!!!
6)Cunning grin...or smirk of stupidity...you be the judge. Whatever it is it's just another way that drummers try to lure in guardos
7)Marching Jacket. Drummers use jackets from championship seasons or drum corps they've marched with as a status symbol and as a way of recognizing drummers from similar territories.
8)Tee-Shirt with logo. Drummers like to advertise for their favorite percussion dealer by wearing their shirts....all the time. Common themes are Zildjian, Vic Firth, and Remo. When not sporting a fabric billboard they like to wear wifebeaters(tanktops)
9)The drummer brain....easy to identify..tough to find. We suggest looking in the Pit, a rare and seldom ventured place where intelligent, almost normal human beings bang on stuff much like drummers do.
10)Walks like a rooster in a Hen yard OR someone who has to use the bathroom but is trying not to show it
11)The drumpad. This is a piece of rubber stuck on a piece of wood that drummers like to beat the crap out of on a continuous basis.
